This is a Heavy One

The other day at work, a thought came over me: "My parents are going to die someday, and there's nothing I can do about it." I looked at their pictures on my desk. It seemed impossible to imagine the world without them. I don't know what made me so melancholy that day, but I couldn't get the thoughts of mortality (mine and others') out of my mind.

When I was in high school, a friend told me about an experience she had talking to one of our teachers. This friend's mother had died, and she asked a cranky atheist teacher what he thought happened to people after they die. He said basically he thought nothing happened; people were just dead. My friend had never considered this before. The thought that her mom could be just plain dead, not surviving in heaven or an afterlife, devastated her. She almost started bawling right then and there. It brings to mind something I wrote about Richard Dawkins once: "You may be right, but do you have to be such a d--k about it?" The thought is crushing enough without a callous attitude. He was not my favorite teacher. Maybe he didn't know the context behind her question, though; I don't know.

I'm about to read an article in the science blog The Questionable Authority called, "What is the unbeliever to make of death?" This is a nagging question. One time my parents and I visited a neighbor who just lost her daughter. I remember feeling absolute dread before she opened the door. It all felt unbearable. Then and now, I didn't know how somebody could get by without believing in heaven. It's all the hope she has left. But what if it's a false hope? At times like that, a naturalistic worldview seems so heartless and cold. Death is brutal, even when you believe your loved one's still alive in some way. How can you sleep at night, if you think she's truly gone forever? It's like the Peggy Lee song, "Is that all there is?"

Woo-Woo Sucks

Almost every morning I listen to Drex on 103.5 Kiss FM. But today he got on my nerves with all his woo-woo talk again. Sometimes they have on a supposed psychic, who is never contested or challenged in any way. (Maybe they think it would be rude.) They also talk now and then about the paranormal. This morning they discussed so-called child psychics. Petey and Mel told anecdotes, probably the typical "friend of a friend" stories, although I don't remember much. Then a caller cited that bullshit statistic that humans use only 10% of their brains, suggesting the other 90% might account for mysterious psychic ability. People, that stat is false. It's not true! Look it up! If it were true, you could have strokes constantly, and most of them wouldn't make a difference!

Why are people so quick to use supernatural explanations? If you don't understand something, why assume it's related to angels, psychic powers, astrology or aliens? Like I don't understand computers, but I don't think little gnomes are inside making them work. In a college class I first read about "God of the gaps," a term that comes up again and again.

That's another topic: the origin of life. I wish I'd learned about evolution in my Lutheran grade school. It's not the boogeyman; it's really not. To the people who believe in a 6-day creation I'd say, "Look. I know you believe the Bible is inerrant. But do you also believe your interpretation of the Bible is inerrant?" They're imposing their modern, scientific agenda on an ancient text that was written with a completely different mindset.

I'm All Highbrow and Sh-t

Without you, without you everything falls apart / Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces (NIN)

Ever since I tried again to write a novel awhile back, I've had a different perspective on stories. When I watch a movie or show, I see it from the writer's point of view: "Oh, they could've had this talk over the phone but it wouldn't be as dramatic." Or, "It's such a cliche. Whistling teapots are always bad news. Do people really drink that much tea?" This sort of commentary, you know. Sometimes it ruins my enjoyment of the story, but other times I like looking behind the scenes mentally. It makes me appreciate good movies more. I wish I could say it's made me write better stories myself, but once again I got stuck on the would-be novel. So now I'm shooting for a short story, at least.

Tracy and I went to a drum and bugle corps competition last night, "Cavalcade of Brass." I've never been to anything like that before. It's too bad we sat so low in the stands, because we couldn't see their formations. For all I knew, they were spelling out "Eat at Joe's." But I appreciated it anyway, the music and their precision. It struck me that people can make contests out of anything. They can make art forms and contests out of everything imaginable. Case in point: synchronized swimming. Or curling! Who came up with that?

Existential Angst

No one in your life is with you constantly / No one is completely on your side / And though I move my world to be with him / Still the gap between us is too wide...

Lots of people believe that the individual consciousness doesn't survive death. So once you die, it's curtains for you. But if this were true, then we'd never find out what happens after death. Not even after death! Because we're dead! So aren't those people depressed? Or at least frustrated that they'll never find out, once and for all?

After Richard Dawkins wrote The Selfish Gene, people wrote him asking why he bothers to get up in the morning. I felt the same way about parts of The Moral Animal. These books should come with warning stickers. I'm not kidding. Warning stickers and maybe some Prozac taped to the inside covers.

Famous but Misremembered Quotes

Did you know our memories aren't very reliable? We just assume they're like videorecordings. But our memories are as fallible as everything else. Even our collective cultural memory has its flaws. I got to thinking about this and wrote a little list of famous lines we get wrong:

• "Play it again, Sam" (Casablanca). The line really went, "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.'" As a side note, Ingrid Bergman was the most beautiful actress then, now, and forever and ever, amen. In my humble opinion.
• "You like me! You really like me!" is supposedly from Sally Field's Oscar acceptance speech. She actually said, "...you like me, right now, you like me!" Get it straight, people.
• "We don't need no stinking badges!" The real quote from Treasure of the Sierra Madre went, "We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!"
• "I am not a crook" is a misquote of Richard Nixon. His actual words were, "I'm both a crook and a raging peckerhead." Yeah, that's how the line appears in my new book, American History According to Michelle. Soon to be a bestseller, by the way.

The Two Remaining Bush Loyalists

My phone call to Mom and Dad lasted longer than usual. I actually brought up political topics and we had a real, grown-up discussion with our tempers in check. Here's something we agree on: the truth is hard to find. All journalists has biases. Ironically, the news network they trust the most is Fox! So I wasn't the least bit surprised that they doubt Bush's approval rating is so low and think the poll questions are slanted. They also complained about the mainstream media's pessimism over Iraq. I asked my dad if he still trusted Bush, and he answered yes. "He's a straight shooter," Dad said more than once.

We went back and forth. They suspect the phantom Weapons of Mass Destruction did exist and were whisked away to Syria or someplace. Now on some topics, we agree 100%. Here's one where we're unanimous: Chopping off people's heads is wrong. The terrorists who do so are really evil. But other issues were not so clear-cut. Dad said Britain is in trouble because of all the Muslims who live there, and I said, "They're not all terrorists." Obviously some are, given the events in Britain not long ago. But let's not paint with so broad a brush.

I guess I'm just proud of myself for having a civilized conversation. As you can imagine, it's not always easy for us to stay calm when these topics come up.

Don't Get Me Started

I avoid talking about politics, but today it almost seemed like my coworkers were trying to provoke me. One repeated her belief that global warming isn't real. Okay, here's my impression: There's a scientific consensus that global warming is taking place. The only people who still argue this point are (1) politicians and (2) the general public. Now if you were to pick a side, which group of the 3 is probably the best-informed?

This lady wasn't the only one getting under my skin. The boss gave us her opinion of Al Gore, which was none too positive. I wondered why she had such venom for the guy. Because she, too, thinks global warming is a joke? Or maybe because he had the audacity to campaign against Bush in 2000? I wonder if we'd be in this Iraq mess right now if there'd been a President Gore. Doesn't seem too likely, does it? You see why I keep my mouth shut. I don't go to work to make friends, just to make money.